I can regret can you just forget it

I want my what I thought was my soul mate the mother of my 2 beautiful kids to own her responsibility and get honest for once. I just want to be free of this bandage. They say you do stupid things when you love someone. Stupid decisions, stupid conversations, stupid actions, a stupid way of being.

This is me officially forgiving myself. I had a psychotic break on shrooms and hit my ex ended up landing in the hospital. I feel like I damaged my ability to be in a healthy relationship, I hate myself, I feel like a monster. My family is everything. But I lie awake at nights, crying silently into my pillow because I am so ashamed of the person I used to be. It would be so easy to blame my incredible immaturity and selfishness on others like my mother. Yes, I have since realised that the fractured relationship I had with her and not-so-great parenting from both my parents affected me, but ultimately all blame is on myself.

I have tried to raise my kids to be the exact opposite of who I was growing up. I look back at my teenage years, my 20s and even into my 30s and I cringe at the immature, selfish, arrogant, lying, self-centered person I was. It pains me that I was such a shit person.

I honestly marvel that my husband even wanted me. Being great people they accepted my apologies…but I have disconnected myself from them again because my shame is too great. But there are so many regrets there for me. I just wish I had been a better person. My guilt, my shame keeps me up at nights. I have hurt many people in the past with being dishonest and fake.

I have lied about many things over the years to cover deep insecurities and i have stolen from people close to me and also strangers. I have cheated on ex partners and deceived many people. I have backstabbed my friends and forced my strong opinion on others that are of weaker character. I have used manipulation many times to get what i want.

I try to be as kind and loving to others as possible these days but i also start to worry this is just to compensate for my past and i just seem to be always trying too hard with everything and also being such a people pleaser. I hope by sharing this publicly here, albeit anonymously, I can release it from my physical body and begin my healing process once and for all.

I had a really nice guy I was dating for a month and half. I asked to finish a conversation about our next moves. Instead of me just saying okay, I reacted out of anger for him not calling me about it.

I said some really harsh things and blocked him. Now I feel so bad. I apologized but he never responded. I have been so sad and upset for a week. The anger was not right and I had no bad intentions with him.

Forgive me Self for the adversity I put you through, if only I have made the right decision we may not have felt so little now. I feel it is just escalating into more deep rooted issues and I know inside myself it boils down to the fact I hate the person I was and the things I did when I was self destructing. I want to stop living in the past and let go of it before my children realise just how messed up I really am inside.

Wow, I feel the same way. If only I were 18 again. You have your life ahead of you. Remember your future right now is huge, more than your past. I struggle with my past also but every day I forgive myself , out loud , verbally…. I did some stupid things many years ago when I was younger.

I thought that life was behind me. I want it to be but something came up and I find myself thinking about old habits. I learned how to forgive myself a long long time ago! Growing up in a family where you had to literally prove you were worthy of forgiveness by accepting all of the responsibility even when not your own, guilt had a way of passing along through a majority of allies who isolated, mocked and humiliated the target into tearful submission. A higher level of respect, gratefulness and inferiority was demanded at all times!

Behavior and consequences always came above validation of personal feelings or compromise! I cheated on my partner who I truly love, over a year ago. We are still thankfully still together. I have never told anybody at all about it and I hope that I will find some peace by posting this.

Mine was about four years ago and I live with it everyday. I have never told my partner as I am too worried about loosing them, but everyday I feel a physical and emotional sense of guilt. I think we need to forgive ourselves. We need to know it was a stupid mistake and let go of it.

I try and focus on the future and on making sure I am the best possible partner I can be moving forward. Has posting helped you? I was cheated on and so hurt and angry I tried to call the other woman over his cell phone in front of him. I made a mistake that I feel guilty about everyday. I was with my bf for about a year when I met a guy at work.

It was nothing romantic at all, I literally had no feelings for him. But we connected over mental health and depression that we both had and talked about it. He invited me to his bday dinner with other coworkers I told my bf about it and went. While I was there my bf messaged me saying he wants to break up with me because I went.

I stayed because I was mad that he was mad, when he had previously been okay with it. We were apart for like a week, as it was a common occurance for him to be upset over everything I did and wanted space. I hung out with my coworker now and then, and still, it was nothing romantic at all- no flirting. Strictly platonic. One night my bf who was my ex at the time texted me and we got back together.

A few minutes later my coworker messaged me confessing his feelings. After that I stopped talking to him and everything because jt would be weird. My bf asked me a couple times if he liked me and I said no. What do I do. I want to know what really was happened to you. What really you did that time. So I can help you. I understand this at 60 I still feel guilt over my teen years after my mother died.

I have tried to let it go and forgive myself for my actions but in the end when stress hits and anxiety is running rampant in my soul it comes back to me. I would never have met up to my mothers expectations…. Karen, I have the similar situation.

It all started out with depression which led to anxiety. I hurt many people as a teenager emotionally and I have been accepting my karma which had happened for the last 3 years.

I am now wondering, why do I still feel guilty and how long will this go on for? And i am only 31 years old just like you. I almost started thinking, all these sudden changes, different perceptions, wanting to justify and putting me in peaceful statues, may be happening because my end is near. Live each day as your best until you are gone and the universe will never abandon good hearted human beings.

However, we are here for a reason Nothing is coincidental and we shall learn how to rise above and finally become the infinite powerful beings! I hope this helps. I am currently suffering with depression so we are all in a same boat a mentally tiring boat. That puts us as equal and we can be united as one and trully start our evolution. I hope to overcome this and help people in need in the future.

God Bless! About 5 years ago, my wife and I were not in a good place In our marriage and after a night of drinking I had a one time affair. I always told myself I would never be one to slip up like this. Just recently something triggered that memory and I feel so guilty. Our marriage has gotten so much better and we have 2 awesome kids. I love my wife very much and I know this will never happen again.

Also, if I were to tell it would possibly get it off my chest which might lessen the pain but it would hurt so many other people. I feel as if the pain I have with the guilt is what I deserve and then some.

I am going to talk to a counselor to air everything out. I know I am a good person that just made a horrible mistake. I just feel like a major disappointment as a husband, father and son as I was raised much better than the action I chose. Then my husband of 18 yrs cheated on me and our 4 children. Forgive a person for messing my life and that of my kids after 18 years?? I just cant,life itself is difficult.. He ruined our family and I have to try to be the anchor still after all these years..

This year i told my boyfriend that i was talking to someone else and i really felt guilty about everything i thought. He forgive me but i keep hurting him because of my own hurt dint know. But know 4 months i have acknolewge that i sabotage my self when i im gonna get something in life. We were together since 15 ten years later i ruin everything and my life with it. I tried to be the more real i could but keep failing getting everything aout of my chest.

For those 10 years i thought so many things that he could have being doin wrong but at the end it was me. He is the love of my life and i know in my soul that im never gonna have that in my life. And is not only that i lost him is that i lost that family. Having no friends and being alone depression, anxiety, guilt and regret is eating me alive.

I would always be grateful that someone could love me the way he did and even that i could not save this and knowing that all my fears are become real hurts so much. Knowing that he is now with someone hurt like hell and i feel like no matter the time it past it will always hurt. My dreams were with him and that part i have lost it. Im loosing my self little by little everyday. I always have joke that i was no gonna pass from 25 years and something the things that we thought that we say become real.

I will always wish him the best because he is the best was my bestfriend and onlyfriend his family was my family and sometimes i thing all the bad things that his brothers will say about me. That parts hurt because i know them from basically all my life. And i think that no matter what this will hurt like hell because i know that something in life gonna happen and let me know this is ypur punishment this it. Sometimes i really wish to die because this is never gonna stop hurting.

And i feel like dead is right to my side or right behind me just waiting. But everyone have to pay for the bad that have done in here. Wish life end diferently. I felt embarrassed and always wished to get rich I always looked lost thinking and wishing I did better and everyday I keep feeling bad and not happy.

Please try to find some comfort. Your story makes me so sad, I care about you as much as I can without knowing you. My refusal to forgive myself stems from the fact that I once had unprotected sex after binge drinking. I became sick two months later.

It has been hard and I feel that one silly mistake ruined the prospects in my life. Can someone help me overcome this? Hi my darling. I want you to understand that I understand your emotional pain ….

I know you are scared. We are consumed by guilt feelings. Help someone else. Be transparent before GOD 1st and foremost. You can do it! You already have a head start. GOD Bless You. I cheated on my last boyfriend for 2 years. I stayed with him because I was scared of hurting him. I am sorry. I forgive myself now. Last night I watched a porn video. I watched the video out of old habit. I was stressed, he was asleep.

I wanted a quick orgasm before going to sleep. I feel no attraction to the person in the video; only the action they are doing. I imagine my boyfriend doing what the man in the video does. The video is faceless. I was heavily abused emotionally and mentally by my parents.

This particular kink developed and progressed throughout the years i suffered that abuse. Watching that particular video was something I used to do when I was younger and feeling helpless and powerless. I helped me to cope with the feelings I was unable to comprehend at that age. I felt that way last night and I relapsed into a bad habit. I told my boyfriend about the kink I have and he was more than receptive.

I was quite amazed by it. But I also told him about the video I watched and I was so terrified because he hardly said anything about it. Mostly because my sexual attraction is only for my boyfriend, yet I still want the gratification of watching the video specifically for the action the man performs.

Problem now is that I am having so much trouble letting go of my shame for watching the video before telling my boyfriend, instead of resolving to tell him the next day and then seeing if I still felt like watching it after telling him. I love him. I see a lifetime with him. All of my lifetimes in every time line, I want to spend them with him. I would never cheat on him.

I also respect him, which is far more important. I know I need to let it go. I know it was a desire that a scared inner child was feeling, but I, as a functioning adult, indulged. I know there are mixed feelings on the topic of whether it is healthy to involve porn in a relationship. I should be enough. If someone wants something I can not offer, then I would have to leave them. My beliefs are solid and make sense.

I could definitely be more forgiving in certain circumstances, like this one. I just want him to know that I never watched it with the intention to want anyone except him. I respect him. I just wanted to be honest about it.

Mostly because I had a lapse in judgement. Here I am, feeling guilty about watching it and wondering why.. Will I be watching it again? Most certainly not. Although, if he was in my shoes I would understand and never think less of him. I expect the same in return. I might actually try to explore some of my shameful turn ons just to de stigmatize it. But I want to share all my dirt with him.

His presence and understanding cleanses my soul. I do actually feel better now. I made a mistake. I suffer with mental health problems.

But I am progressing wonderfully and am working so hard to overcome what has set me back for so long. I am worthy of all the good things coming to me in my life. I am an amazing human, with flaws. An amazingly flawed individual. Flaws are beautiful. Flaws are like scars. They come from a scary place, that can be hard to acknowledge at first.

But hiding them only adds to the stigma that we have attached to the flaws. And one persons flaw is another persons best quality. I digress, I go on tangents often. Thank you for this platform. Im done for tonight. I hope that someone takes the time to read about my situation and feels better about themself. You are loved. Let it go and God Bless! Live and dont be scared.

Just let go and share share your live and be happy. You probably should have tried to get a closer relationship with her. We , as children, only get one mother. Love your parents, in spite of their short comings. Personally, I feel that we never forget about mother, once she is gone. Pray and ask God to forgiveyouEncourage other plover ones and friends to do the same.

When you love someone you are subconsciously asked to compete and doubt your own desirability. I am 63 and still feel guilt after my Mum died as a 12 year old. I forgive he child in me. My brothers love to remind me and punished me by spending my inheritance on their business and denying it. Makes me feel bad that they could treat me like that. I have spent my whole life helping others as a nurse,plus volunteering and helping homeless.

I still feel guilt and shame. My Dad remarried 2 years after mum died. I felt abandoned. I was in the way. I left at 19, went back home to study at They threw me out at I felt abandoned again. I have had a good life.

Trying to get over guilt,shame,regrets. Hypnosis tapes have helped. I am very shy and low self esteem,affected my work and relationships. I always end up with narcissists. Hypnosis is changing me. Thanks for listening. I have hope. Being on the verge of homelessness is paradise compared to accepting any money from family! If I ever get an inheritance it will all go to my brother — I want him to have a yard full of tractors pontoon boats babies bears and a huge house to grow old in.

Hey Karen! I can relate to your story, I am 32 years old now and I am filled with regrets and shame, being decieved and decieving others. I hope we can connect. I found that I do like myself, but in the course of finding this, I also found I harbor a lot of guilt…I mean a lot of guilt. I never realized what guilt can manifest into. I read your comments, but they just jumble in my mind. I fear that the guilt has built up for so many years that I will never be able to release it and forgive myself.

I want to be able to experience what life I have left. Thank you so much for sharing your story. BTW, at 52, I think you have a lot of life left to experience! Why do those personalities always seem to have the most influence over everyone else??? I just want to let it go. I will never understand why I keep getting blessed with good things by her although I told her I cheated on her.

The mistakes are real. They happened, and history cannot be rewritten. Trying to recuse ourselves from responsibility will only put a band-aid on the wrongdoing and hide it from sight. Embracing reality and acknowledging the truth is the first step toward releasing regret. Show yourself the same kind of mercy you want others to extend when you have wronged them. Stop beating yourself up for doing something that you cannot undo.

If you could go back to the moment before it happened, you would. Do the thing that you can do and open your heart to grace and the relief that comes from no longer carrying the burden of blame. If the thing you regret has wounded the heart of another, apologize without excuse and with sincerity of heart. Do what you reasonably can to mend fences and repair what your actions have broken, without crossing over into the trap of overcompensation.

This is where it can get tricky because regret can cloud what is reasonable. Your own inward sense of peace is a reliable guide to let you know when you have done enough. SELF does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Any information published on this website or by this brand is not intended as a substitute for medical advice, and you should not take any action before consulting with a healthcare professional. Health Chevron Mental Health Chevron. Try to forgive yourself.

Try grief journaling. Find other people with similar regrets. Talk to someone if your thoughts are impacting your mood. She lives in Brooklyn, where, despite her busy schedule, she spends an unbelievable amount of time on her Read more. Topics mental health grief coronavirus. Sign up for our SELF Daily Wellness newsletter All the best health and wellness advice, tips, tricks, and intel, delivered to your inbox every day. Enter your e-mail address.

Need more ideas to let your regret fade away? The first is to not allow regrets. Make each decision with the fullness of heart and mind. Amber Strange Banchev. It takes time but I try to think of all of the positives that came out of that situation.

Ryan Cayabyab. I trust that each experience is a lesson in the journey that I have chosen and embarked upon. I believe that we embrace the light and the dark and trust that we are exactly where we should be on our journey in this life! Debra Mericantante Anzalone. I recognize the emotion and then let it go.

Alexandria DaCosta. Breathe, reflect, learn from it, forgive myself, and move on. Megan Corey. I do it differently the next time , then there is nothing to regret. Angie Thibault. Regret is a waste of time. There is only the eternal now. Neme Sis. Having some regrets is not a bad thing —they make you strive for better. It is your preconceptions of regrets that determine how they affect you, positively or negatively.

Virginia Kiper. Sometimes life gives you circumstances that simply have to be grieved , with no way around that. Jacquie Pratt. Regrets are visitors in the guest house of the mind.